Hi there.

Emails are delightful. Welcome. Sometimes even cherished.


If you feel shy starting an email, I’ve helped out by providing three starter options below. Feel free to use any of these or your own, should you feel creatively moved.

Option #1: Flowery praise

Dear Edmond, I have long admired your tennis prowess and also the way you dance at weddings, not at all like a walrus attempting to make it to land while Orca licks his lips nearby. Also, you smell like flowers. I am writing with the following concerns…

Option #2: Business-like

Dear Edmond, First of all, I’d like for you to have my bank account numbers, my online sign-in, and my PIN#. <insert relevant information> Now that we’ve gotten through those appropriate business-like formalities, allow me to address the real reason I’m writing you today…

Option #3: Stalkery

Dear Edmond, How did you enjoy your English muffin this morning with what appeared to be raspberry jam? My goodness you’re an early-riser and perhaps for this reason you feel entitled to *two* breakfasts. Some men in their 40s would hesitate to eat five sausages wrapped in bacon dipped in Chipotle sauce. But not you! Anywho, I’m writing to express my delight in…